Just a few quick hitters that should be common sense, but I guess the world needed me to point them out. Ok, here you go world. You’re welcome.
Bar menus. Bars should have menus of every drink they serve. With pictures!!! Who decided that one of the universal things humans need to memorize is every alcoholic drink. Nobody has anything memorized anymore. I literally don’t know my mom’s phone number. But I’m supposed to know every drink? How will I ever try new ones? And for the rare times I do get a cocktail menu, how many times have you looked at ingredients on a drink and gotten excited, only for them to bring it out and have it look nothing like you expected. It’s 2021. Richard Branson is in space. Give us some pictures. I’m tired of being catfished by my drink menus.
Coasters. While we’re on the subject of drinks, can we stop it with coasters already. Full disclosure, my family was a staunchly non-coaster family. It’s just who we were, so I always get a little irrationally annoyed at using them because… here’s me giving away that I’m from the south… I just wasn’t raised that way. But the onus of getting rid of coasters shouldn’t be put on the little people just trying to protect their furniture. It should be put on Big Table. Why are they making tables so delicate that I need a second smaller table on top to actually be able to put anything on it. A few drops of water is gonna warp the wood? Seriously? Just make the tables out of whatever material you make the coasters out of.
Receipts. Honestly, just receipts in general feel like a real waste, but specifically the really long ones you get from pharmacies really irk me. The ones that not only list all the items you bought, but also what seems like every coupon the store has ever offered, a list of all their employees ranked by seniority, and a few recommendations on what drugs to try out next. It’s 2021. Jeff Bezos is in space. Just put the receipt details on my credit card statement. In case you haven’t heard, CVS, the days of folding them up and saving them in a shoebox are kind of over.
Kansas City. Just move Kansas City to Kansas. The Missouri nonsense needs to end. What do you they think they’re doing? Being cute? Well it’s not.
Idioms. Idioms are great. They’re often the icing on the cake of a great point, but there’s always room for improvement. Here are a couple sayings that were just so close, but I think could be better. Inspired by my friend learning English idioms for the first time.
Mumble Jumble (mumbo jumbo)
Earlier then later (sooner than later)
Getting your hands wet (getting your feet wet) (this one just makes sense)
Double guessing (second guessing)
I have some more, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Don’t want to bite off more than I can chew.
Hope you enjoyed these random cranky old man musings. I’d love to hear the obvious changes you would make if only you were the American Monarch.